


Unsaid Things

by Mad_Amethyst



Series: Silver's Journey Through Darkness [4]
Category: Black Sails
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Episode XXIII. (S03E05), M/M, POV John Silver, POV Third Person Limited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 08:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6231937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Amethyst/pseuds/Mad_Amethyst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's thoughts were particularly noisy tonight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsaid Things

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of a Black Sails challenge between [Sweety_Mutant](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweety_Mutant/pseuds/Sweety_Mutant) and me. You can read hers [there](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6188572/chapters/14179048)!
> 
> Rules: Seven sentences were picked up on this [dialogue generator](http://writingexercises.co.uk/dialogue-generator.php). Each chapter/part must have one of them in it (in the order we want) and be less than 1000 words.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Black Sails or its characters. I simply use them for my own pleasure. :)

John saw it. The little move of Flint caressing discreetly the small knife with his thumb, again and again, as if by doing so he was only reinforcing his decision. It became obvious to him then that the captain was not even trying… He had already given up before he started… He was ready to die tonight…

His heart ached to the view, a feeling he was not accustomed to. During his talk with Billy sooner that day, he had been surprised by his own thoughts. Billy was right, he knew it. Abandoning the captain to save the crew was the safer option. And yet something deep down made him feel wrong about it. He could not let this man sacrifice himself like that. No. There was another way. An opportunity to take. It could fail. _It’s likely to_. But, as crazy as it sounded, he wanted Flint to try with all his might if it meant he would have to die otherwise. Right now, really, John did not care if it sealed their fate.

So be it. Against Billy’s request, he approached the captain and sat next to him, not missing the way the man turned his eyes away from him. Another ache. Damn… He looked the other way too.

“Billy doesn’t give a shit if you die tomorrow,” he started bluntly. No need to beat around the bush, right?

He felt Flint turning to him again. Great. At least, now he had his attention. “But I suppose you knew that already,” John continued, his tone a bit sarcastic, as he looked briefly at him, still disturbed by this growing ache in his heart. _Of course he knew. Billy has always been clear about his feelings towards him… I’m the one who’s unclear here… What can I say? I don’t even fully understand how I feel myself…_

“You know, the strange thing is, I… I should be with Billy. Until most recently, I’m quite certain I would have been,” he admitted with an ironical laugh. “Unbothered by the idea of trading your life for the rest of the crew’s.” _Because, you know, that’s my job. To protect the crew. Not you. I’m not supposed to care about you. Not if it’s not in our advantage._

He frowned, staring into space, while his thoughts danced in his head. “And yet, for some reason…” _… right now I cannot bear the thought of losing you._ “… right now I am bothered by it.” _Can you believe it? Jesus… I don’t know just how it happened… but… I think I…_ It suddenly became clearer. This ache in his heart that should not exist. _For some reason, I’m attracted to you…_

When he had taken this new role, this responsibility, he had tried his best to be what the crew needed. A strong figure. Someone they could count on in the worst situations. But even more, he had tried to gain Flint’s respect. His trust. To be acknowledged by him. To be a partner to him. Who cared why he had wanted it in the first place? It had merged with the rest, slowly becoming his greatest obsession. Proving his worth to him. He had put so much effort into it, he had been in so much pain for it… and now that he finally had this thing he craved, it was just going to slip out of his hands? _I already lost too much… I can’t lose you too… I’m sure you can understand it…_

Well… It was laughable, right? A quartermaster, putting his captain before his crew. Billy was going to be sooo mad, he knew it. And yet he could not care less. _I just can’t let you give up like this._

“But I understand it,” he said then with a sympathetic voice. “I understand the allure of ensuring that no one will ever think you the villain you fear you are.” _Poor you, always worrying about what people think of you. You’re not a villain to me. Can’t it be enough for you?_

Flint’s eyes met his. Such sadness, such weariness into it. _I’m sorry, but you have to pull yourself together._ “What a waste it seems to me, knowing it doesn’t have to be this way,” John said, intentionally casual. Softly putting the idea in the captain’s mind. “Knowing the man who talked me into giving a shit about this crew… he could talk those people out there into anything.” _You and I, we have this power. You know it._

Silence. Flint showed no reaction so far, but John had no doubt that the idea was settling in his mind. _Time to deliver the last straw._ “If he wanted to.”

The look he was given then. Wow. It only lasted for a moment, but he saw something in there. Anyway, it was done, he had delivered his message. So he got up and walked away, preferring to leave the man to his thoughts. _Now it’s all up to you, Captain. If we are to fail, let’s fail together._

**Author's Note:**

> The sentence used for this part was: "For some reason, I'm attracted to you." I couldn't think of another moment for this one!  
> If you liked it, please let me know somehow. I'm anything but confident about my writing lately (all the time, if I'm honest)... :(


End file.
